Pretty Girl Snark

I heard a new song on the radio on my way home from work today that made me cringe so much that I knew I had to come home and write about it. And I guess after looking into the song more that by writing about the song with the catty snarkiness that is about to follow, that I am going against what the song is supposedly about in the first place. Oh well.

The song is 'Pretty Girl Rock' by R&B artist - Keri Hilson. Why don't I like this song? Well, first off, it sets you up for disappointment right out of the box. When the DJ said, "Check out this new song - Pretty Girl Rock" my immediate reaction was - Sweet! A rockin' song done by an all-chick band that I might be able to cover at Open Mic nights! Then the track starts, which is completely synthesized and doesn't feature any actual instruments, and in comes Keri with the most contrived and obvious lyrics that I've heard since 'Whip my Hair'. 

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry looking at my derri-
erre, you can stare but if you touch it I'ma bury 

And then later in the song she literally says, "But if you want I'll be happy to repeat it" and sings this bullshit again! 2 times through - 'Thong Song' style. Unbelievable. 

I can't believe I made it this far into the song to tell you the truth. In reality I did it for you - my blog readers....so, your welcome. 

After this dreadful beginning the song gets...worse! She goes on to sing about how she is the hottest thing on the planet and she knows it. Not only does she know it, but she is going to tell you about it, even if you don't want to hear it - especially if you don't, actually. Here's where it gets even more ridiculous. Keri Hilson gave an interview where she said that the song wasn't as vain as it sounds, "although I do feel those things about myself." What?! Then she said how she hopes the song will empower all woman to feel beautiful, because they are. Really Keri? You want all woman to feel beautiful? Then what about this line...

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad cause I'm cuter than the girl that's witcha
I can talk about it cause I know that I'm pretty  

I don't think that is very empowering for the girl that you are singing about being prettier than, I'm just saying.

And I can't even figure out what the true tragedy is with this song. Is it that Bill Withers who wrote such classic masterpieces as 'Ain't no Sunshine', 'Lean on Me', and 'Lovely Day' collaborated on this piece of musical debris? Or the fact that I know I will have to listen to this song AND 'Whip my Hair' at the dance I have to chaperone next Friday? 

Link to the Video (Warning! I only made it 12 seconds in before I wanted to punch my computer screen. Somehow seeing her sing it made it even worse. )